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Lockdown Locks Out New Mums

They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I was sure that I was camped firmly in mine.

" I don't need any 'mum friends'" I remember telling my partner when I was pregnant. I didn't see what all the fuss could be about. As far as I was concerned I knew how I wanted to parent and I already had friends, so couldn't think of any benefit. I would go to my baby-wearing fitness class and go straight home, and that would be that - until one week, another mum suggested we go for a coffee afterwards. As we chatted over hot drinks and donuts (yes, after the exercise class), I felt relieved to be in the company of other women who hadn't had more that two hours of consecutive sleep for eight weeks, had forgotten when they last got chance to shave their legs and wouldn't bat an eyelid when my baby did her party trick explosive poo. I started to get it.

The post-exercise coffee became a weekly ritual for us, and I soon invited the other mums to the nursery rhyme group I met with. Before I knew it, the mum friends I was adamant that I didn't need were my lifeline. Tearful and overtired because baby had been inconsolable all night? I had someone to talk to. Lonely whilst my partner was at work? I had someone to walk in the park with. Struggling to cope with the every day realities of being a mum? I had somebody to understand.

And then the second lockdown was announced.

My first reaction was the pang of worry: "how will my mental health survive this lockdown if I can't meet my mum friends?" These meetings aren't just about pumpkin spice lattes and showing off our babies, they're about supporting each other through the transition of becoming mothers. When I'm cooped up and alone on Tuesday mornings I know that I get the relief of the friendly faces that afternoon, and when I'm too fed up to change out of my sick-covered clothes on a Wednesday I know that I get to make an effort to go out on Thursday mornings. So what will I do now?

The government has allowed official parental support groups to continue to meet. This may sound generous, but every single one of the four groups that I take my baby to has been cancelled for the duration of the lockdown. Sadly, getting out of the house to meet other parents while we sing and play with our babies just isn't considered support. Don't get me wrong, I understand that lockdown lines have to be drawn somewhere, but it once again feels like parents and babies are being overlooked.

The impact of poor maternal mental health on babies and mums alike is well-documented, and I fear that it will deteriorate for many of us as we simply aren't allowed to get out and meet what is the only source of support for many struggling new parents. Underfunded and understaffed mental health services are already overstretched, and it pains me to think how many new mums are experiencing difficulties with no professional help. Their mum friends are their only respite in one of the most challenging transitions of their lives.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, and lockdown is locking us out of ours.

-Lottie

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